Diary of a drug addict    [Letter to the editor]  

I had a good life, I used to be in a relationship, and I could see my daughter every day. It all started spiralling out of control the day that I was introduced to drugs…
06:00 - I need to wake up early to make a stop at my dealer, before work! 08:00 - I’m busy at work. Everything feels so much easier than before. I can hear sounds no one else can. I’m stronger than everyone else. This is easy… 17:00 - I did nothing at work today, in the moment I felt like I did so much. I feel bad about myself, the guilt is too much, I need to make a stop at my dealer, to take this feeling away. I need to feel strong again. 19:00 - I lost more weight again.
23:00 - My brain is too busy, and I can’t sleep. I’m trying to close my eyes, but I have too much energy… Next day: Repeat the cycle.
My life changed so much, all that I was worried about, was my next gram, my next ‘fix’. To make everything worse, the times I got to see my child, I bought her things, out of guilt. Guilt about me feeling like a bad parent, which led to more usage.
My health took a big toll, and I knew that I needed to get help, not only for me, but for the future of my daughter. 
I went ahead and started with my parents; I was scared to be judged – but the opposite happened. My dad hugged me and said that he loves me and that we will get through it together, and we did. I tried to do it on my own, but I realised that I would need help and I went to a rehabilitation centre.
On Thursday 15 April, I have been clean for 10 weeks and I have never been prouder of myself. 
I can honestly say that in Thabazimbi and Northam, it is easier to buy drugs than buying a loaf of brown bread. 
Being a recovering addict is a daily struggle. For the rest of my life, I will have to continue the fight. I have joined a support group which has been the glue that is keeping my life together. 
To anyone using drugs… I know that you do not see it right now, because you feel like your life is better the way it is, but I promise you that it is not. Do not feel afraid to ask for help.
To recovering addicts… You are not garbage, you are stronger that most people give you credit for. Be proud of yourself. I know that I am!

Clean and Sober